PERSPECTIVE
An aid workers impressions as she travels the world building toilets.
Latest public adventure: to be determined.
Poems, photos and ramblings abound.


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June 21, 2010

The wallow

Today is loser day, in which I will wallow. I try not to let that damn Super Ego get in the way, but sometimes you just gotta give him his time to say his piece. He is embodied by the neighbors to my office window who are beating their dog.

In response to that damn Super Ego, my Ego has been procrastinating this entry by doing my actual job, by telling myself I am so busy and generally ignoring the fact that I am 0 for 3 in my contest endeavour. I admit I should have updated this about a week ago when I got the results, but I was feeling a little down with my lack of success. I am still feeling silly in this 10 contest adventure - simply because I am sucking.

* * *

Contest #1) Essay. Didn't win. Totally tanked, in fact.
Contest #2) Poem. Didn't win. I guess the cyber democracy populous didn't dig my style. Don't really have any indication of the level of my sucking.
Contest #3) Poem. Awaiting results. I stick by my odds in the last post.
Contest #4) Article. Not purchased. Didn't win.

* * *
Art. From 2002.
(Thanks for scanning this, Don and Kathy.)

* * *

In other news, I will be jobless in about a week. This is by choice and I feel blessed to be able to make that choice and I am looking forward to it. Although it may not last. I will take some time (after this excercise in self-pity today) to enter more contests, to get back my positivity on this writing thing and to revel.

One must take time to revel.

For the Id.

June 9, 2010

The Second Tanking

- Contest results so far - Self-soothing - Photos and a poem -

* * *
Writing contest summary statistics
Contests entered: 4/10
Contests complete: 2/4
Contests won: 0/2

Contest #1) Didn't win.
Contest #2) Awaiting results.
Contest #3) Awaiting results.
Contest #4) Not purchased. Didn't win.

My Super-ego is a little upset.
My Ego has authored the next section.
My Id still having fun, still learning and still has lighthearted expectations.

Any wagers on the 2 contests in progress?
I will give you odds of 1/300 for #2 and 1/10,000 for #3.

* * *

Sometimes victories are not found where you are looking. Sometimes they come and tap you on the shoulder; you turn your head and are pleasantly surprised by what happened to your right. Sometimes they fly in from the far left and knock you over.

The first minor victory that makes me happy is explained in my last post. (You should be aware of my bias: I value the opinion of Google as the most-awesome search engine out there.)

The second victory is on Helium. Despite the 2 failed contests, there has been some progression since my last analysis of the Helium sphere. First, I achieved 2 writing stars with only 9 eligible articles (I have 11 now). The calculation of this I can not explain, but it is a measure of the quantity and quality of your Helium articles. Most users seem to get 2 stars after 30 articles and since I did it with only 9, I think that is good. Second, I mentioned back in April that my essay percentage was only 48%. Today, after reading and revisions, it is a big fat 92%. I guess I can say I have learned a bit how to write to this audience. Small, but it soothes.

* * *

I just returned from 1 week in Garbatulla. My last week in Garbatulla. My contract is complete on 30 June 2010. I have a long history with the Kenya Mission of ACF. I started here in 2006, came back in early 2008, and then came back again in July 2008 to be the WASH Coordinator, which I have done for the past 2 years. I am happy. I am nostalgic. I am ready to go.

I see many countries out the windows of Land Cruisers. Going a little too fast:
Mis-spelled signs.
Half built cement buildings. Half falling apart mud buildings.
Goats. Camels. Cows. Sheep. Skinny, fat, pregnant, as the seasons change.

Dusty men pissing. Dirty men pissing. Men pissing. The most common sight. Disgusts me. I don't want to see the stream of your piss. I don't want to smell your piss on the wind. I want you to have as much dignity as the women.

Dusty, wrinkled, calloused women. Bent forward with straight backs, always lifting up the house. Her faggot; heavy strapped to the head. A pile of grass, only legs are visible. Yellow plastic jerry cans of water. A child.


A Kenya Picture Poem:
Kenya is iconic Africa
Savannah grasses
Flat topped trees

 Elephants lumbering through vines
Silent only becuase we didn't stop to listen.

Communities
make thier houses out of white dust
and iron sheets.

The mother cracks stones
hammer on old truck parts
pliers prized possesion
sorting saphires on a worn mat.

Because
the left hand is stagnant
while the right hand evolves
and the head is on backwards
this country
explodes
in a thousand directions.

June 8, 2010

pure ego

I confess that more than once since 1999 I have googled my own name.
If you haven't googled yourself (but you know you have...) you should: it can be fun.

Where do I stand? 
I now know there is an electronic musical artist named Mark Trayle.
I was disappointed when Trayle.com started: a travel diary site. Thieves.
It used to be that you had to wade through all those sites and references to find anything about me or you had to google my full name - in quotations.

Today, I googled just my first name.
No Kulshan. No quotes. No "and... bla bla bla."
Just my name.
And hell if my blog- this blog- is not first on the google list.
This is some kind of egotistical victory.
I am basking in googletistical glory.
And I am okay with that.

Note that this of course is not a constant, tomorrow or the next I might not be first on the list, but still this was cool! And just shows an evolution. A progression. A change.

Thanks for visiting. Please come again.

June 4, 2010

4 for the score

 Contest #4) I may be cheating on this one, but I think it is okay. On Helium they have what they call a "Marketplace" where publishers post articles titles they want written to. Then in theory, the publisher will choose one of the articles to publish - and they pay you money - 32 big ones riding on this one. Nice. Also, I think the turnaround time is quite quick, so my poor ego will quickly be either slightly hurt or 32 bucks richer. This is not a contest, per se, but it is a competition - so I'm letting the rules slide.

The really moving article title is "Garden gifts for Dad this Father's Day." How mundane is that? But this is part of the challenge. I have no authority here. My dad neither gardens, nor gives a hoot about gifts. He is way too cool for that. Let us continue.

One must be able to write about anything. I remember in college, one of the senior members of the lit mag staff said: "If you can write a poem about a cup of tea, you can be a poet." I did write that poem; it probably sucked and who knows where it is now... I may have to try again.

Do check out my Helium article on "Recipes: Great ways to cook muskrats."

 * * *

In more exciting news... On my drive "up-country" from Nairobi, I saw an ELEPHANT! In the wild, my friend, au natural. Moving so slow as we zoomed by, it moved me a little. Just hanging out by the side of the road. I got a photo of its butt, which I will post (in all it's anti-climatic glory) but the internet is by cell modem for the next week, so I am slightly handicapped. I saw baboons too, but they aren't quite as magical as an elephant. 

There was also a boat in a tree and roofs without walls...

I am also working on my manifesto. Mario, my husband, and I are involved in a friendly manifesto competition (we are truely made for each other)... but I won't count that as one of the contests.